Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
