You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
