it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
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I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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