the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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