i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
