Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
