Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
