She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
