I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Randomize
