seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
