I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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