is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
