someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
