if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
