you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
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Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
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I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
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