Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
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I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
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I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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