I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
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Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
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You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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