You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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