I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
