omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
