Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Semen is not good for contacts.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
