Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
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I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
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He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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