I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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