dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
