Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Farmville is her only friend.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
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thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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