I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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