You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Is Oprah even human
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
