hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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