you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
