He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Randomize
