I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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