Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
This beer is not sobering me up at all
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
