It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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