I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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