Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
