Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
