I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Boobs speak an international language.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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