fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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