i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
