Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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