Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
