As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
