dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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