It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Congratulations! We have a period
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