Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
