we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize