omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
