worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
