No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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