the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
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good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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