the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
