he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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