can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
