I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
