If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
