Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
