i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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