I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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