i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
