but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
