You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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