I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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