I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She bit a glass in half.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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