that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Even my vagina gasped.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
