We named our party play list daddy issues
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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