it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
