I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
