your parents love me but you hate me
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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