The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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