What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
