I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
