Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
