so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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