new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
