you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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