I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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