he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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