Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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