i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
