I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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