Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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